extended VROOM

LOL. Kill me now. I actually created a profile on match.com! HAHAHAHAHAHAHH! It was out of sheer boredom. And morbid curiosity. I haven't actually subscribed to the thing. I'm not gonna waste beer money just to see who's interested in me or not. If they're genuinely interested, my email addy is available. But my email filter is on high, so we'll see if anything gets through ^_^ That, and I figure that it's a little scary to have my profile and picture up for anyone to see. Dude. If one of my customers see that, it's gonna be super weird!

Speaking of which... one of my customers requested me on facebook as a friend. I accepted. He's a regular enough that we're on friendly terms. Still a little weird tho. But then again... most of my best friends have been starbucks partners... even before I was a partner myself. =) So no harm no foul.

Kelsey's brother came in tonight. He asked when the next time we were going to the driving range. He wants to hang out! Cute ^_^ He's definitely someone I could see myself dating. But that would just be too weird because of Kelsey. And he's my height. So I dunno. But the plus side is that his mom adores me ^_^ and he has a nice body =9 hahahahahahah! Okay. I'll stop right there. Just entertaining thoughts.

Okay. Crunches. weights. shower. Bed. WOOOO! Here I come JUNE!

posted by ahoy there matey @ 10:32 PM

Father I've sinned
over and over and over and over again
sorry my friends, i'm such a mess
im doing the best i can

she says where ya goin where ya been
she says i don't want you hanging out with them
she leaves like she's never coming back again

on and on
cuz it goes on and on yeah
she says i don't love you like i loved you before
she says she says
i don't love you any more

and mother i've tried, over and over and over to open my eyes
look at my life and tell me when did i die
cuz im not alive
flip through the script and tell me what it says
skip through the story tell me how it ends
she says that were probably better off as friends

on and on
cuz it goes on and on yeah
she says i don't love you like i loved you before
she says she says
yeah, she says i don't love you i don't love you anymore
she says, she says i don't love you, i don't love you
i don't love you anymore
she said she said she said where ya goin'

you, you call the police, you called them on me
and i want to go anywhere but home
i i'm done with listening to what's wrong with me
cuz it goes on and on and on and on yeahh

she says i don't love you like i loved you before
she says she says
yeahh she says i don't love you i don't love you anymore
she says she says, i don't love you

posted by ahoy there matey @ 8:54 PM

I was reading a survey last night and found out about what he's kinda been up to lately. I should be getting more info today. Does that sound creepy? A little bit, huh? I'm not being a stalker... I'm just curious.

Seems like he's pretty much over it. Oh well. Sucks for me and my heart, huh? I'm always gonna pine, I guess. Until I can find someone even more wonderful and even more perfect for me. What are the chances? I'm not too sure. But I have faith that I will be happy. God wouldn't want me to be miserable.

Last week's sermon was about LOVE. About how I need to love everyone around me enough to just want happiness for them. And that love is not about receiving, but about GIVING. That really put things into perspective. But you know... I'm only human. So that natural greed and want for my own happiness comes into play and I want him for myself. But as long as he's happy, then I am happy for him. I love him to want that much for him.

The harder part of that equation was loving the people that are horrible to me. The strangers that treat me like crap or judge me. But you have to love those people even more because they will be more in need of God's mercy.

Anyhoo... Dougie just flaked out on us. Surprise surprise. I was kind of anticipating it. Everyone has been extra flaky these days. But... that's my karma I suppose.

posted by ahoy there matey @ 10:55 AM

Excerpt from Bones ep "The End in the Beginning":::

People say you only live once. But people are as wrong about that as they are about everything.

When you love someone, you open yourself up for suffering. That's the sad truth. Maybe they'll break your heart. Maybe you'll break their heart and never look at yourself in the same way. Those are the risks.

You see two people and you think "They belong together." But nothing happens. The thought of losing so much control over personal happiness is unbearable. That's the burden. Like wings, they have weight. We feel that weight on our backs. But they are a burden that lifts us... burdens that allow us to FLY.

This weight needs to be lifted. I need to fly. Either away or with... either or I am okay with the outcome. But something needs to happen. A knock at the door. A storm to finish brewing and just pour down on me. SOMETHING. The waiting and the wondering is weighing me down and not in a good way. This does not give me wings, but just keeps me grounded and waiting for the storm to pass through. Or drown me.

posted by ahoy there matey @ 12:19 AM

I started writing a draft last night. A letter to him. Just to get out what I've been thinking and feeling. A plea for an answer and some contact. I really just want my friend back. And I know that it's gonna take time to get back to that level of friendship that we once had. If that's even at all possible.

But.... I need to leave this in God's hands. I've been thinking about it lately entirely too much and it's starting to get to me. I need to stop. Really bad. I need to just let things happen as they happen and trust that God will heal my heart and heal his as well.

I just have so much to explain to him. So much to say to him. So much to tell him so that I can heal. =/

Anyway.... I've been looking through graduate programs. At this point, I really just want to go back to school so that I can get my education on. So I can finally get my life back on track. I can't believe that the admissions director hasn't responded to my questions. =( I really need information so that I can make a decision on where I'm gonna live in the fall!!!

And Cindy said that the anatomy class starts on May 18th. That's impossible! Oh no!!! =(

posted by ahoy there matey @ 5:14 PM

Dude. So really.... I could be sleeping right now. Or drinking away yet another walk-off loss. UGHHHH!! I hate the Dodgers. Gregerson should have taken his chances with Manny. He's a tool. He woulda got us into the 11th.

I think my messages have been getting through. I just don't know if I should take the next step or keep being cautious. I should really stop drinking. That's what's really getting me in trouble. =P Stupid drunk texts >_<

I need a red bull. Someone kill me tonight. I don't wanna open tomorrow. =P

posted by ahoy there matey @ 10:40 PM