extended VROOM

i'm a horrible, horrible person. but at least i try.

The Sudden Departure
Random Brutal Love Master (RBLMf)


Sweet. Dear. Loving. At Gate 18. Final call.

You are The Sudden Departure.

You've been in a lot of serious relationships. More than a few have ended ugly. Uglily. Whatever. Our guess is that you're a really fantastic girl who doesn't really know what she wants, and you've broken a few hearts as a result. You fall for people easily, and you enjoy the feeling of falling in love, but once you're there, either boredom or the old "grass is greener" syndrome sets in. The mind wanders, and with it goes the flesh. And then the toiletries.


We know you're not the classic "love 'em and leave 'em" type, at least not in a purely sexual sense. You have too many serious bonding tendencies for that. But even though you're theoretically looking to settle down, you don't settle long on one person. "Serial monogamist" is probably something you hear a lot. "Emotionally loose" is another way to put it. To the poor guys eating your dust and sniffing your panties, it doesn't really make much difference. Of course, it's not really your fault that people get hurt. You have every right to move on when you choose.

Check it:: http://devel.okcupid.com/personality?type=RBLM&g=2&o=1&h=165

posted by ahoy there matey @ 1:39 AM

i really need a new job. but the benefits of keeping this one... i dont know. i guess i'm chained to it for the long haul. not exactly sure what will happen when i leave, because i've planted my roots here. well, not really. but i lose a lot if i leave. but then again.. there is so much more to gain out there... that i dont know about. and where i am... i work in the gutter. but i cant afford to leave now. which makes me wonder whether i'll EVER be able to afford to leave. hmm. maybe when my brother gets a job and he can support me for a couple of weeks. or maybe if i get a job with matt, and that should hold me over for a while. i dont know. i guess if an opportunity comes along, i should take it. not that i'm not trying. its just that nothing has come along. oh well. we'll see in the end... i guess. =P i hate that tho.

damn. i kinda liked being single.

posted by ahoy there matey @ 8:01 PM

i'm getting better at blacking out love. this time around isnt that painful.

maybe its because of the inevitable getting-back-together. but i'm not so sure whether i'm strong because i'm looking forward to it, or because i know it's never gonna happen. so i guess it's NOT inevitable. one thing's for sure... when i talk to him, that's when i make my decision. seat of my pants. because i know i love him. i know i miss him. i know that if things don't change, that i CAN'T be with him. and this freedom that i have right now, i love it and i hate it. but it's something that takes getting used to. i think i need to be in his presence to make the decision. no rooting required, folks. this is one decision i make on my own. no sways. half-hearted. all brains. sorry. my heart is a little out of commission these days. bruised and broken, you can say. but more like stomped, broken, ripped out of my chest and taped back together over and over again.

man. you'd think that i shouldn't be like this. my heart should be fine. after all, i've never been dumped. HAH! never been dumped, but i've sure been cheated on a million times (well, more like 4, but that's a different story). and betrayed. controlled. crushed. deceived. left behind. enough to make a girl go crazy. especially one that puts her all into a relationship (save one, but that doesn't count cuz it was a rebound).

this time around reminds me of the aftermath of the second round with erik. left alone with no back-up or anyone to rebound with. but a sure hella a lot of girls to chill with and kill time with. (til ronnie came along... no, YOU'RE too much drama!. haha!)

maybe i need some chill time. i've been bouncing from one relationship to another in the past 6 years. SIX FUCKING YEARS. that's a lot of shit to deal with. and maybe now is the time to just chill out and go win brigade again. (uh hur). maybe this is God's way of setting my priorities straight. family. school. future. and gettin my shit straight. i don't doubt it.

who knows. alls i know is i gotta stop listening to so much emo. but it really does put things in perspective. helps me deal with all these mixed feelings. at least now they can be categorized by song. (thanks NFG, ataris, & yellowcard) chris carraba isn't my friend right now. he's too in love (in song). sorry, not in the same boat right now. we seem to have fallen out.

posted by ahoy there matey @ 10:45 PM