extended VROOM

could you let me go?
I didn't think so and you don't wanna be here in the future
so you say the present's just a pleasant interruption to the past
and you don't wanna look much closer
cuz your afraid to find out all this hope you had sent into the sky
by now had crashed
and it did because of me
*****
I had these dreams in them I learned to play guitar
maybe cross the country become a rock star
and there was hope in me that
I could take you there but dammit
you're so young
well I don't think I care
and if I hurt you then I'm sorry
please don't think that this was easy
... it's just that this guilt has got to me.
... something corporate: konstantine

i'm not big on long, overdue apologies. but there's one that i really need to belt out. but this situation needs to be handled with care, because his ego is eggshell-like. so fragile.

more later. Steven just got here.

posted by ahoy there matey @ 4:30 PM

shit. i lost my pen-drive. and it has MUCHOS aphig info on it. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck! and it has like 3 of my psych papers on there. shit.

okay. it's fine. it's down at the lost and found. yes it is. YARGH! it better be!!!

posted by ahoy there matey @ 1:31 PM

Man Imma playa boy you don't have to call
Six gees in my socks so I have to ball Luda,
without words I'll let the beat break him
Then hit the liquor store and them switzer sweet makers
Yeah, me and some friendly friend friends
Close as the hairs on my **** *** ***
I'm a be aight tonight we down south
But I plan to get head straight up like Alfalfa

Situations will arise,in our lives
But you got to be smart about it
Celebrations, with the guys, I sacrificed
Cause I knew you could not sleep without it
Meanwhile I, I, I, I, I...
I loved U, you were my boy
U see I, I, I, I,I...
Thought the world of U but your so steady still leavin baby

U don't have to call, it's okay boy
Cause I'ma be alright fo life
U don't have to call, it's okay boy
Cause I'ma be alright fo life

Aw boy your face is, sayin why
Tears in eyes, should've been more smart about it
Should've cherished me, listenin to friends, now it's the end
And again no story can end without it
Damn ri..i,i,i,ight...
I loved U, you were my boy U see I, I, I, I, I...
Thought the world of U
But you're so steady still leavin baby

Gonna boogie....tonight, cause I'm honestly too young of a girl
To stay home, waitin for love
So tonight, I'm gonna do what a single girl does

Damn what's with all the long faces?
Your lookin fo love in all the wong places
Let's hit clubs and guys will take a shirt off
If not for me for the raspberry Smirnoff
Then me and Ursher can knock 'em all
Then we up and disappear like socks and draws SD!!!!
Hit the block and get rowdy
We puttin up A's like Summa Cum Laude
Yeah I graduated at the top of the class

And I told 'em before the parties don't stop
So like Ripley's you believe it or not
And when you don't realize I'm the best ya had
Now you sittin at home and you got it bad
Yo! I'm a get mine and move slow
So drink some prune juice and let the shit go

posted by ahoy there matey @ 10:12 AM

so that was my LIFE post. and my LOVE post. completely different.

a couple of months ago, brian and i hd a little fight concerning our time together. we dont have much of it. usually we just take breaks together, and rarely we'll go out together. (maybe once every other week). i cant help it. i have a lot of shit to do. and although i LOVE him, he has to understand that i have a full plate. and its tough on our relationship not to have so much time together. but. what can i do? i have obligations. and he should have known that going into this.

my solution was to buy him an X-box. which he loves. and keeps him busy. but... only for so long.

i'm not questioning the relationship. i just think that it's unfair to the both of us to do this to ourselves. expecting so much because of the way things started out. i know i always have him to come home to, and he knows that if anything, i'll be there for him. i just dont know if it's healthier to see other people or to keep this up.
.....

oh. did i tell you? mark is a part of nacu now. so. he's on a team with 2 of my sisters. and i dont know how i should feel about that. see, the thing is, i'm over him. i'm over the whole summer. but things were left shaky, and i still get these daggers from him, even tho the facade is all good. basically, i know he's not the type to talk too much shit. but he's the type to leave underlying messages, and has a way of getting into peoples' heads. i know i shouldnt worry. and its not really that. i'm just really uncomfortable with it.
.......

i wish i had his operational definition for cheating.

posted by ahoy there matey @ 4:16 PM

i'm doing this here because i have no other means to go on geocities. it's term-paper season and all the normal computers are taken. doing research is making me fall asleep, so i guess i'll do a really long vent on here. or at least until i have to go to class. or get back to work. or something.

my event recap wasnt exactly an event recap. it was the more important stuff that i had to tell the world about. but didnt really have time to. so in essence, it was just a quickie but not really. considering that i only post about once every other week, that was a considerably short post.

so. what HAS happened in the life of mar? tons. make that TONS!

let's start with sorority life, shall we? seeing as that has been the bulk of my projects and has been the most time consuming of all my activities. well... as i may have posted a few months back, i'm this semester's fundraising chair and secretary. i didnt realize how much work went into EACH position, so i'm clocking in more sorority time than i am work time (if that's at all possible). During my breaks, i'm either working on manuals or rosters or fundraisers .... all paperwork that take a LONG time. i've been working on fundraisers... calling places, looking online, trying to negotiate and bargain prices. it's a lot of work. on top of my positions, i also now have a lil sis (i think that's number 5) that i've been spending a lot of time with. then there are meetings, socials, exchanges, sisterhoods, pledge events, active events, and sdsu greek events that i have to attend. if it doesnt sound like a lot, you're crazy. because my only nights off from sorority life have usually been tuesday and saturday night. and even those nights we end up planning something as a sisterhood.

SO. when do i work? i still work the usual 45 hours. everyday except tuesdays and thursdays (class days). now that my counter manager is far along in her pregnancy, i've had to take up a lot more responsibility because she cant seem to keep her head straight. and yesterday, the doctor ordered her to bedrest, which basically means i'll be running the counter until she returns (which may be a little after christmas). which is stressful enough, but we have christmas coming up, a HUGE event to book appointments for, and a large event in early january. on top of all that, i have to take care of all the paperwork (because nobody understands how to, as much as i try to teach them). there is just SO much going on at work and now i have have triple the responsibilities. great. oh. and the best part.... i dont even get a raise for this.

Hey. remember last fall when i worked my 45 hours and did 23 units? yeah. i'm only taking 11 units this semester, and i'm doing MORE WORK than ever. i have papers due up the yinyang, and so much research to do. i'm just not used to doing so much work as far as school goes. i'm just used to going to class and taking exams. maybe a couple of papers here and there... but not a 10-pager every week. (and these papers require me to run analyses, and do background research). so. needless to say, i'm having a very tough time coping. but at least my test scores are GREAT.

amidst all that, i've still managed to maintain an active social life. not just in the greek world, but in other worlds also. i have a couple new sets of friends that "need" me there when they party. so i'm glad to feel so loved. the gay group is super fun to kick it with. i love gay men. they're so funny. then there's the single-girlfriends group. just to oggle guys with and really have a night out with the GIRLS. then there are clubbin nights with the boyfriend and the bros and my sisters.

which leaves me with NO TIME to sleep. i'm so tired. but i love how fast everything is going.

posted by ahoy there matey @ 3:58 PM