extended VROOM

lag lag lag lag! there are way too many people in the computer lab ONLINE! damnit people. its 10am what the FUCK are you doing in the computer lab? arent you supposed to be in class or something? GRR!

well hey did i tell you? ive gone n made a big fat boo. you know me... always screwin up. i blew my paycheck already. just started doing some random shopping. ended up in broke status. WHOOPS. i swear it wasnt my fault. only half of it was for me ;)

surprised mark w/ boba last night. extra large green mango slush w/ green boba. i had a feeling he wasnt having too great of a day, so i decided to cheer him up. he looked so giddy. damn. making him happy makes me happy. but isnt that the point? uh hur. more on that on secret blog. ill link you once we end-up finishing SWEET status.... yeah. uh. yeah. right. hahahahahah. makes NO sense! i LOVE IT!

mar lesson number ONE:: i go in many different ways. that's just how my personality is. i like to explore... but i know my limits. and i know that the path i choose is the path that i love. and the one that i love never has to worry about me turning back and taking a different "road," or me taking more than one at once.
mar lesson number TWO:: i get what i want. i might not always know what i want, but as soon as i do, i get it. scared? dont worry. usually what i want is exactly what other people want for me. just trust me. i trust you... and i act on your vibes. put down your defenses... cuz all of this.... you know me better. cynicism can doop the best of us. alls you gots to do is SOAR.
mar lesson number THREE:: i lag. i procrastinate. and sometimes i give off weird vibes. just dont get jaded by them. cuz then ill get weird vibes from you. we've been there, done that... didnt like it before... wouldnt like them again. it was really good before. we went over this already. i get into my moods sometimes. im a girl go figure. and im 100% heffer. its been a big bright, shiny moon lately. and the moon affects me cuz im a heffer. its the moon. grr. nm. you know me.
mar lesson number FOUR:: YOU KNOW ME. but thats not a lesson. more like a reminder

argh. constant typing around me is lulling me to sleep. i feel. like. a. nut. wait. no. i. am. getting.



THUD!


ZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZzzzzzzzzzz

posted by ahoy there matey @ 10:07 AM

little by little im beginning to finally see what i want out of life. (uh hur. and WHO i want!! woop woop!) FINALLY! some direction! i know ive always had it in me... but this time, my path is finally solidifying. its all finally coming together in my adult life.

i dont know. this ROCKS tho. i love it when hot boys hit on me. ;) but im a libra. i just need the attention. waha!!! but u know... the guy that gets me... he knows whats up. you do right? coo coo. as long as weez HERE *does the corny eye to eye thang*

SUPER CHEEEEEEEEESE!

posted by ahoy there matey @ 1:20 AM

damn. chinese guys are HOT!

and guys that can GROOVE and move are SUPER HOT!

ive been talking to hot boy for the past 3 hours. and you know what? HE IMed ME FIRST! wow.

BOING BOING BOING BOING!

posted by ahoy there matey @ 2:17 AM

And you want my love
Well that's alright
Well it will be there for you morning, noon and night
But you gotta be good
And do it right
Ain't got no time for part-time lovin' in my life

Well you wanna be loved (uh)
Hey that's O.K.
Cause it falls in line right with my sexuality
But you gotta be down
A nickel gotta be true
Cause otherwise this "B" ain't got no time for you

Oh baby, baby, baby
I got so much love in me
Ooh (baby, baby,) baby, baby, baby
Cause if your're gonna get me off
You got to love me deep

Well you want my heart
And all my time
Well it won't be there if you can't deal with my mind
Cause a girl like me
Won't stand for less
I require plenty conversation with my sex

Long as you know that I could have any man I want to
Baby that's actual and factual
But still I choose you to be with me
And work on me so you better not flake it up

Ohhhhhh

Baby, baby, baby
Ain't got no time for the part-time lovin'
I got so much love in me
I gotta be loved
And that's O.K.

Baby, baby, baby
Cause if you're gonna get me off
You got to love me deep
(Get me off)

Baby Long as you know that I could have any man I want to
Baby that's actual and factual
But still I choose you to be with me
And work on me so you better not flake it up

Well you want my heart
And all my time
Well it won't be there if you can't deal with my mind
Cause a girl like me
I won't stand for less
I require plenty conversation with my sex

I can have any man that I want to
Time and place that I choose to
But I think you know that I'd rather be here with you

Yeah
That's actual and factual
You're the one I seem to run back to
Just to get me off
You got to love me, got to love me, got to love me

Baby, baby, baby
I want to
Time and place that I choose to
But I think you know that I'd rather be here with you (yeah)
That's actual and facutal
You're the one I seem to run back to

posted by ahoy there matey @ 1:18 PM

***add to TO DO list***

~not the sit-down boyfriend. i cant stand a guy who doesnt mingle. and i cant stand a guy thats the life of the party and forgets who he's with. i cant stand a guy that doesnt know how to maintain balance between mingles. know your place boy! and know it well. hahah kidding.
~touch discreetly... and touch often. contact is KEY. haha. how else are you gonna find my spot?
~i would love to be with a greek. cuz greeks ROCK. no one understands greeks except greeks themselves.
~computer literate. HELLO! im always online. you need a way to keep up with me. cuz i forget the difference between posting and actually physically telling stuff. my pots are a my vents. once i vent, i forget.
~GET BACK! pet peeve! pet peeve! if you dont call, then i wont call. END OF STORY. END OF RELATIONSHIP. i know i shouldnt get pissed about it... cuz i know i never get back either... BUT STILL! you dont leave me hangin like that. always, always, ALWAYS acknowledge that i have messaged you in some form. because then i think theres something wrong. then i start to assume. and assuming is BAD! and when i get worried for no reason... i get angry... because all you had to do was get back.
~((this one is for informational use only)) when i watch a movie, i need to have my legs stretched out in front of me, and i need to be cuddled. dont do this "lets just sit and you can lean on me" bullshit. that makes me antsy. and an antsy me is not a happy me. you dont want to be around an unhappy me.
~late night talks are a must. inhibitions fade away at night. and thats the best way to really get to know someone. think of it as a natural drink up. ... er... or something.

more later. time for findapix!

posted by ahoy there matey @ 3:20 AM

My heart belongs to you
So what could I do
To make you feel I'm down with
You see me hangin around
But you don't know how you make me feel for you, and

Each and every day, I try to make some sense of this
What you mean to me, I know it could be serious
Each and every nite, I dream about just holding you
Loving you like this, what is a girl supposed to do

I love you
I want you
You're the one that I live for
And I can't take it any more
I love you
I need you
What can I do to make you see
You're the only one for me

First time I saw your face
My heart just erased
All the guys I knew before
You walked into my life
I was the type to never want for nothing

Each and every day, I try to make some sense of this
What you mean to me, I know it could be serious
Each and every nite, I dream about just holding you
Loving you like this, what is a girl supposed to do

I love you
I want you
You're the one that I live for
And I can't take it any more
I love you
I need you
What can I do to make you see
You're the only one for me

I love you, I want you, I need you in my life
Can't you see what you mean to me
Baby come hold me tight
I miss you, wanna kiss you
Everytime I see your face
Baby I'll be waiting for you
Each and everyday

I love you
I want you
You're the one that I live for
And I can't take it any more
I love you
I need you
What can I do to make you see
You're the only one for me

You're the only one for me
And I know it's meant to be
What can I do to make you see
My love will carry on
So listen to my heart and know
You'll find out where my love will go
The future lies between us boy
Oh babe I love you so

I love you
I want you
You're the one that I live for
And I can't take it any more
I love you
I need you
What can I do to make you see
You're the only one for me

I love you
I want you
You're the one that I live for
And I can't take it any more
I love you
I need you
What can I do to make you see
You're the only one for me

posted by ahoy there matey @ 11:32 PM

holy crap i forgot what i was gonna write. oh yeah. since im single FOR REALLY this time.... i thought i might just spice up my little *ahem* TO DO list. JOKE! haha... no... i wanted to revise MY MAN list. uh hur. i dont remember what i wrote before.... so... lets see.....

~tall. hey. i want a guy who i can look up to. that whole eye-to-eye thing... over rated.
~cute w/ chinky eyes and a smile that can make me knees turn to jelly. nice teeth are a must. cuz you know... i have straight teeth.... n i dont want my kids goin through the whole braces thing.
~humorous. a funny man is the best man. i need humor in my life. so i need a guy that's funny ha-ha AND funny hee-hee. a guy that can be the life of the party but still have the sense to keep me as his focus.
~LIPS (ofcourse).
~willing and able to do anything and EVERYTHING! i take chances. but i dont like to take them alone
~adventurous... like i said....
~strong family background. i have a strong family background. i want him to know where im coming from. some people just dont understand
~knows his way around cars (or is at least willing to learn). i like to talk about cars. .... a LOT. so at least try to keep up.
~has rhythm. you know what they say about how a guy dances..... that... and a musical guy usually has a lot going for him. i like talent. ;)
~has intentions of finishing school.... sometime before the decade is over at least. none of these slacker types please. im having a hard enough time keeping myself in check.
~a realistic view of life... but not cynical. *scratch that... sometimes its nice to be with another cynic*
~can keep me up all night.... doing whatever activity you choose (talking, galavanting, or whatever *wink wink*) i can be nocturnal. and i get lonely at night. so unless you want me talkin up other guys late at night.... then you better learn how to function on little sleep.
~can teach me a lot. if you cant teach me shit about the world.... then what use are you to me? *uh hur. yeah. that was nice* oh yeah.
~preferably catholic... but as long as you have the faith n are willin to come to church w/ me... then its all gravy.
~must be wireless. i cant stand not being able to get in contact with people.... so my man has to be reachable at all times... damnit... what if i was in the hospital or something? see? SEE?
~quirky and playful .... i need some fun in my life to balance out the stress. quirks are always fun. and its a nice compliment to my quirks
~has style... and is willing to play with it (plaid pants/shorts are a must... hey... imma be ROCKIN the plaid... and we have to match *wink wink*)
~knows his way around the mall... when i need to destress.... only chocolate, shopping, and ice cream can console me.... i dont care HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU.... you're not chocolate, or shopping, or ice cream.... im a girl and i have NEEDS!
~i like a man who has control over his body... in every which way... whether you're doin some upkeep, or shakin your groove thang.... control is key.
~has a flexible schedule.... cuz mine isnt.... and if you're not available at the drop of a dime.... then i dont know when we'll ever see each other (but u know... i MAKE TIME for my men).
~can be chills around my sisters.... cuz they're a part of me... just like my man is a part of me.... and if both parts dont see eye to eye.... then my balance is all wack... and libras need balance... so one of them have to go.... and its for damn sure its not gonna be my sisters.
~find my spot.... period.
~tact... if you dont know how to deal with people... then you need to peace out.... cuz people are my life... *HELLO psych major*
~can deal with my daily rants.... cuz i bitch a lot... well not excessively.... but i bitch as much as any girl out there.... but it's funny.... so just laff.
~secure enough to let me wear the pants in the relationship. i tend to do that. so deal with it.

more later. i have to go eat w/ my sistas.

posted by ahoy there matey @ 9:26 AM

im thinking about what to post about in my blogger. hey guess what! i have a new secret blog. ill link you one day... in that blogger.... it gives the definition of S.W.E.E.T!!! jan, ill tell you later ESTY!!!

*says while pointing in the same direction* "there's still lighter fluid in the office"

posted by ahoy there matey @ 12:57 AM

rekt monkee: anyway i saw a sign tonight
super M A R 52: ....
rekt monkee: it said Spor Mar
super M A R 52: hahhahaah
rekt monkee: and i thought of you. HAHA. cuz like.. S.. por... mar
super M A R 52: THANKS
rekt monkee: es... por.. mar
super M A R 52: hahah
rekt monkee: it's supposed to say Sportmart but some lights were out
super M A R 52: hahahah
rekt monkee: im gonna try to take a picture of it one time
rekt monkee: hopefully before they fix it

posted by ahoy there matey @ 9:47 AM

So tired, tired of these drama
No more, no more
I wanna be free
I'm so tired, so tired

Broken heart again
Another lesson learn
Better know your friends
Or else you will get burn
Gotta count on me
Cause I can guarantee
That I'll be fine

No more pain (no more pain)
No more pain (no more pain)
No drama (no more drama in my life)
Noone's gonna make me hurt again

What a player fool
Go through ups and downs
Nowhere and all the time
You wouldn't be around
Or maybe I like the stress
Cause I was young and restless
But there was long ago
I don't wanna cry no more

No more pain (no more pain)
No more game (no more game messin with my mind)
No drama (no more drama in my life)
Nooone's gonna make me hurt again
No more tears (no more tears, I'm tired of cryin everynight)
No more fears (no more fears, I really don't wanna cry)
No drama (no more drama in my life)
I don't ever wanna hurt again
Wanna speak my mind, wanna speak my mind

Uh, it feel so good
When you let go
Avoid these drama in your life
Now you're free from all the pain
Free from all the game
Free from all the stress
So bye your happiness
I don't know
Only God knows where the story is
For me, but I know where the story begins
It's up to us to choose
Whatever we win or loose
And I choose to win

No more pain (no more pain)
No more game (tired of your playin' game with my mind)
No drama (no more drama in my life)
No more, no more, No more, no more
No more tears (no more tears, no more cryin every night)
No more fears (no more waking be up in the morning)
No drama, no more in my life

No more drama, no more drama
No more drama, no more drama
NO MORE DRAMA
NO MORE DRAMA
NO MORE DRAMA
NO MORE DRAMA
NO MORE DRAMA
No more drama in my life
So tired, tired of these drama

posted by ahoy there matey @ 12:47 PM

still upholding that these are the MARfiles:::::::..................

so im at the point of breakdown. everything is going so wrong and im close to completely regressing to my old life. you know.. lag lag lag. steady boyfriend. okay grades. stick with it job. never disappointing anyone. and a complete LONER. the maria that everyone is used to. but i need to be stronger than that. i need to move on and find the essence of who i am. but at this point, im for really about to just stop. cry my eyes out. and REGRESS REGRESS REGRESS. im in need of some serious counseling. today's shopping adventure (complete w/ starbucks, candy and cookies) didnt help. ugh. i dont know.

its just that everythng is stressing me out. school. work. all of my relationships. i just dont understand whats going on. i just dont understand why everything is happening at the same time. UGH! well i guess this is a big red flag from life saying "HELLO MAR! ITS TIME FOR A CHANGE! GET UP AND GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER, BECAUSE ITS GONNA BE A WILD RIDE OUT OF HERE!!!"

maybe it is really time for a change. i was never one for gradual change anyway. time to REINVENT! once again.

... see james... this is why we're TWINS.

posted by ahoy there matey @ 12:23 AM

Thanks MARK you are my lucky charm.

so i ended up going to only to philosophy and physiopsych... the two classes i had exams in. go figgure. i didnt study and had spring break. grr. oh well. i think i did better than i woulda done had i just not cared enough to ditch my other classes.

okay. so at 1:48pm i get a text saying "good luck maria" then again at 4:59 from an att phone. WHOA. hahaha. thanks mark... i love the effort. you ROCK. cuz you know why? cuz we're STARSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"wow. you're a rock star. and im rocking a star"

posted by ahoy there matey @ 7:43 AM

RaverNiz619: it's late
super M A R 52: go sleep
RaverNiz619: and i have to get up
super M A R 52: wait...
RaverNiz619: night mar
super M A R 52: what time do u have work tomorrow?
RaverNiz619: huh?
RaverNiz619: 12pm - 9pm
RaverNiz619: sucks
RaverNiz619: @ chula
super M A R 52: OH NO!!!!!!!
super M A R 52: =*{
RaverNiz619: why?
super M A R 52: <<<< exams tomorrow 2pm n 5pm
super M A R 52 i neeeeeeeeeed you!!!!!!!!!!!
RaverNiz619: then don't open my texts till 2 and 5om
RaverNiz619: pm
super M A R 52: *sigh*
super M A R 52: okay
super M A R 52: =T
RaverNiz619: oh sorry.....
super M A R 52: its okay
RaverNiz619: okay i sleep now
super M A R 52: just ESP me some luck
RaverNiz619: me tired
super M A R 52: okay
super M A R 52: go
RaverNiz619: haha
RaverNiz619: ESPing your hands ISK


feelin all warm inside. woop woop. the ISK is gonna stay w/ me for a while. eep!

(p.s. ISK = init sa katawan... inside joke {dur})

posted by ahoy there matey @ 1:34 AM

i think im going to immerse myself in the world of findapix. i found mike la on there. haha. its 107 and aa all over again. i wonder if erik and emilio are on there. I BET THEY ARE TOO!

i dotn know. im feling so depressed right now, and i know that that extra little attention from findapix will cheer me up. at least i know im wanted somewhere. i mean.. other than the obvious. nm. sometimes teh obvious is a little too obvious. but some people are too fucking DENSE to realize what they're doing. ugh.

im probably pursuing a lost cause. i tend to do that. lost causes are my thing. you know why? cuz i get left behind IN THE END. im the GIRLFRIEND that does the work. maybe I NEED A GIRL. no. that would just be FOOLISH.

anyone wanna STAND UP in CHEMISTRY with me?

posted by ahoy there matey @ 12:39 AM

thanks jan. you always know what to say to make me feel all better. =)

posted by ahoy there matey @ 3:33 AM

how can something so wrong feel so right? or is it because it feels right because it IS right, just not right right now. i know things happen for a reason, but why is the timing the way it is? if only.. if only.. IF ONLY!!!!

geez. i dont even know how to begin. im so confused because im torn in two different directions. i know what i want. but... under the circumstances, i just dont know what to do. what am i SUPPOSED to do? because there are big time pros and cons. red flags are going up everywhere and i dont even understand why i just dont take those warnings into consideration. i DO know what i want. i just dont like the uneasy feeling that im feeling. because i've set myself in such a comfort zone. ive kept myself HERE even when i know better things lie ahead. i think i just need to get up off my ass and accept what will happen. accept the consequences. ACCEPT that change DOES happen, and that no matter how set that comfort level is, that if something feels right or wrong, it probably is. no more thinking about it. ive analyzed it to death and have come to one conclusion: i already know whats right. the hardest part is taking the first step in acknowledging and accepting what will happen. okay, DEEP BREATH. I CAN DO THIS.

but the thing is, i dont know whether im taking this like a woman, or if its just college kicking in. college life has had such a great effect on my life. i dont know if its a good change or a bad change. the hardest part is deciding whether i am smarter now, or back in high school. but back in high school, it was the same dillemma. it was just postponed for a year. see, i just dont know. I DONT KNOW!!!!!

actualy, i DO know. im just too stubborn to accpet it. cuz i dont have the balls to admit to the world. just too fucking naive. too fucking comfortable. too fucking set in my ways.

i really need to start following my own advice. i know im just looking out for everyone else. but its time to start looking out ofr myself. i feel like crying because i know what i have to do. i FEEL like crying. but im not.

i dont understand. i just DONT understand.

posted by ahoy there matey @ 11:33 AM

my feet smell funny. no more sock-free sneaker days. ew

i was on a quest to find non-khaki cargo capris today. no luck. ill try again tomorrow. =P parkway plaza sucks. but working full time gives me very little shopping options. i ended up buying army green ones at work. argh. i hate settling.

im on DUH mode right now. my head feels like someone is trying to pry the back of my head open with a crowbar and tongs. not a happy feeling. ugh. must. hit. post&publish. if you're reading this at 12:20ish am, then it means i didnt keel over. eep. okay. time for mar's sleepy time.

posted by ahoy there matey @ 12:19 AM

i was looking for mark and james' secret blogs. i gave up after 3 pages of the directory. screw it. im not that interested anyway. well i am. but all im looking for is some confirmation of the things that i vibe about. cuz they dont know. but i do. i just need some reassurance. it just sucks. ugh. you dont understand. you'd have to read beyond for that.

posted by ahoy there matey @ 1:53 AM