extended VROOM

the more and more i go out, the better and better it gets.

and its not even with anyone in particular... its just everyone in general. i love this feeling of freedom. i love not having to check in. i love being able to dance with whomever i please. i love not feeling guilty for checking someone out. i love being able to make out with someone and still have it be exciting.

am i a horrible person? no. i'm just a singleton and loving it.

i've always loved the ins and outs of relationships. i know i have a problem, because i love breaking hearts. it's not healthy. it's not nice. and its not very good karma. but i LOVE it. it makes me feel so powerful. i love having the ability to make someone drop everything for you, then being able to crush their little heart for not meeting standards.

i'm the devil and i'm going to hell. i know.

i'm thinking that it's because my first couple of relationships i was completely screwed. and that's how i learned to do what i do. from my firsts. joe cheated. then erik cheated. and then i was the mistress. having your first three boyfriends do that to you kinda builds a lot of resilience when it comes to matters of the heart.

by the time i was in a healthy relationship, i was addicted to the love and attention. and really... that's mostly what i care about these days. love and attention. and theres no lack of it. =)

did i ever tell you that i keep a collection of one specific memorabilia of boys who i made love me? its funny. i keep them in my little card file. and dont worry.. its nothing gross. but it does include a picture, an id number, and other vital information. (you know... just in case i have to hire a detective or something ... hire a dick... that's funny)

i should stop babbling about being evil.

yesterday rosa told me that i have a tendency to freak out. do i really? i dont think i do. i have a tendency to pull away once the hooks have been placed.... but i dont freak out.

posted by ahoy there matey @ 12:31 PM

how do you tell someone thats been in love with you since you were a little girl that you're just not that into him?

and not even that i'm just not that into him... i'm REALLY... not into him at all. maybe for one good night. but that's all it's good for. ONE NIGHT.

it's not you... its me. and really, you're not at all for me.

i'm sorry. but i cant. i wont. and i refuse to. i hope you dont take this the wrong way... but you're no good for me.

but how do you tell someone that? and how evil of a person does that make me?

oh well. shit happens. it aint my bad. it's his for falling.

in other news...

sorry rodney. i'm an EVIL, EVIL girl. i told you girls are evil. even me. i wish you could have believed me before i started to suck you in.

but since you're sucked in already... get ready for the ride.... cuz this one will be a DOOOOOOZY!

and this is me apologizing WAY ahead of time for a few things:
1) i'm sorry i made you drink more than you can take
2) i'm sorry for any reactions you may have from those drinks
3) i'm sorry i got you addicted to my laugh, my touch, and my wiggles, jiggles and giggles
4) i'm sorry if i dont return your calls... i'm just really bad at that
5) i'm sorry if i hurt you or string you along.... it's a REALLY bad habit that i need to learn how to kick

posted by ahoy there matey @ 11:09 PM

if i could sing all the songs that held the lyrics of all the different things i felt.... man. i dont think i could fit them all in a 20gig.

i hate being a libra

posted by ahoy there matey @ 10:43 PM

chassie has dubbed me "jager-MASTER!" because of my stash. i always seem to have a stash of it somewhere. my car. my purse. another sister's purse. (tee hee) i can't help it. i love it. and it loves me!

it's weird to go out and have intentions of meeting someone. it seems so foreign. because i've never done it before. boyfriends have traditionally just fell on my lap.

emil. hook it up. j/k

i think i'll fly solo for a good while. i deserve it.

posted by ahoy there matey @ 5:17 PM