extended VROOM

okay. for the meanwhile, this will be my temporary TO DO list for spring break. consider it your stalker agenda. eep. shut up.

sunday: church

monday: work 2p-10p, optometrist appt.

Tuesday: cingular bill DUE, work 2-9:30p, management mtg 9:30-10:30p

wednesday: work 9-5

thursday: providian due, DISNEYLAND???

friday: Foam Party @ Cannes bar & grill

Saturday: work 2-10:30, AphiG car wash

Sunday: DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME!!!! AphiG car wash

somewhere between that complete LACK of activity, i also have to accomplish the following:::
poli sci 320 term paper
poli sci 101 term paper
psych 260 term paper outline
psych 260 online quiz
psych 230 summary of text
philosophy 102 essay on Descartes' discourse on method
psych 260 study for midterm
philosophy 102 study for midterm
poli sci 320 summary on chap 7

holy monkey. i shoulda spread out my papers. eep! cuz you KNOW i cant be sitting in front of a computer all night long.. or all week long.. for that matter... without getting stuck online. damnit. this sucks. eep.

posted by ahoy there matey @ 7:00 PM

i lag. i have to stop lagging. but hey. wait. i need to study. but i lag. lag lag lag laglag.

damnit. screw this. i need to hit the sack

posted by ahoy there matey @ 12:19 AM

things to do today (before 1pm)

::pedicure
::manicure
::read cosmo
::catch up on sleep
::go to the bank n make deposit
::balance checkbook
::clean out car
::laundry :: denim
:: black
:: reds
:: bleached white
::read DesCartes (sections 1 & 2)
::go to walmart
::register car


its 1am. i should probably start soon.

posted by ahoy there matey @ 1:10 AM

my name means "bittersweet." and for the most part, that's how my life has pretty much played out. along with the good always come a big heaping serving of bad. not that im complaining (okay, maybe i am), but its a balance between everything. yin and yang. that's my life too. but its just so much to handle. because i have no fucking clue how to deal with it.

yeah. okay. so shrinks are supposed to be crazy. so i guess this is my head start.

in middle school i deemed with the aka of "Lady Double Identity." and that is pretty much how ive lived my life. ugh. i dont know. its like i have two hearts. two minds. two brains. but one body. i dont understand. and right now both sides are having this massive battle inside. and im suffering. well... i dont know which "i" is suffering... but shit. i dont know. i dont know. i dont know.

holy shit. TRADE STREET IS OPEN FOR LEGAL STREET RACES FOR WEEKENDS! good lord. i never thought id see the day. yeow well. its probably better. all them POSERS have pretty much killed the sport anyway. but that's a whole nother story.

damnit. how come i can figure OTHER people out easily... but i cant even comprehend what's going on in my own head? this shit is screwy. fucking people need to be clear about shit. just because IM not being clear, i know DAMN WELL that you understand what the fuck im saying.

posted by ahoy there matey @ 2:07 AM

what is it about that perfect guy that everyone dreams of? and when you find someone remotely close, you run away because of the standards that you previously set.

while i was single, i was on a quest for the perfect man. super-social. funny. nice. popular. congenial. soft lips. tall. asian eyes. bald head. wide shoulders. a nice body. smart. ambitious. with a nice voice. big hands. straight teeth. big heart. he would have his own hobbies. own friends. a good job. a nice car. he would be understanding about my situation with my family. accepted me for me. and got along well with my friends. he would teach me a lot about myself. and the world around me. i would be able to hold an intelligent conversation with him. he would be witty. proud, but not conceited. generous. moral. hw would be romantic, the sweetest guy that thought of me eerytime the sun rose and right before he closed his eyes to sleep at night. he can cook, clean, sing, and take care of kids. he would have a laid back style, but know how to dress for the occasion. and since i am a libra, he would need to be assertive and decisive.... and still be able to maintain the balance between us.

then i met genaro. which, for the most part, filed the shoes of a boyfriend. not exactly the man of my dreams, but the the while, he was a good guy. time went by and i fell in love. not high school love.. real love.i didnt settle. i just realized that emotion is more important than having "the total package." because while its possible to find that one person that you've been looking for your whole life, chances are, there's more to what you see. you see everything you want to see, but only because you're blinding yourself to the rest of it.

people just get so caught up in trying to find their vision of perfection that they let opportunities pass. if only they didnt block out those people that had at least a few of the characteristics of their perfect mate, then maybe they would find themselves in a relationship worth their time and love. its all about giving people chances. at least if you give someone a chance, then you also give yourself a chance to discover new things. i mean really... how do you know what you want until you actually experience it? you just dont. when you leave yourself open to new things, you'd be surprised at what you find. and if what you find isnt what you want, then there's still plenty of time to go out n give someone else a chance. theres nothing to lose. just a whole lot to gain. and in the meanwhile, you dont become some superficial FUCK that only cares about the betterment of jack shit.

okay. bitter there. ive got issues. ill deal with them later tho.

posted by ahoy there matey @ 10:42 PM

wtf. i cant breathe here. i need to peace out soon cuz everyone around me has stank breath. damnit. why cant people just learn to breathe with their mouths CLOSED????

posted by ahoy there matey @ 8:48 AM

stupid james. made me lose my train of thought. damn you.

posted by ahoy there matey @ 11:57 PM

have you ever had one of those days when people just really got to you? when they give you that look... when they say certain things... when they do irritating little UGHS!!!! oh my GOD! today was one of those days. the hair around the finger twirl. the "im too good for this, so let me just talk on my cel phone" look. the "ugh. what am i doing here" look. the "um, i dont know. because im a big fucking AIRHEAD" expression. the "hey lets just go for the cute boys that im too fucking lame to talk to" smile. the "okay. everything is centered around me, so even though we're here on business, let me just fucking disrespect everyone that has the floor because im the fucking center of the whole fucking world" attitude.

i have a certain threshold for these things, but today... i was just not feelin it. it was one of those days when i just wanted to be in the midst of boys. talking about boy stuff. with boys that had actual BRAINS and not just floating matter in their heads. today was one of those days when it was just cool, but then BAM!... im thrown into the midst of airhead-dom. holy fucking shit. i wanted to shoot my brains out today. at least maybe if i shot my brains out, they wouldnt dissipate into thin air like everyone else's seemed to.

sometimes... sometimes i just have those days. because sometimes its cool not to have a care in the world and have the time to think (or rather, NOT THINK) and just think about superficial, materialistic things. but there are days... and certainly designated TIMES that those stupid little things need to be put aside. there are times when you just need to fucking USE YOUR BRAIN... or at least put on a thinking cap and pretend that you comprehend rules and things that matter. there are times when you just have to fucking THINK. God gave us a brain for a reason. and it wasnt just to be able to control our bodies.

posted by ahoy there matey @ 11:53 PM

can i just tell you how much i LOOOOOOOVE my big bro reggie?


and how much i LOOOOOOOOOVE my APsiRho twin alan?


and most of all i LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE my pooh bear!!!!!!


yeap yeap. aslong as i have my boys.. then its all gravy!!!

posted by ahoy there matey @ 11:53 PM

I don't know why you care
He doesn't even know you're there
'Cause he don't love your eyes
And he don't love your smile
Girl, you know that ain't fair

The middle of the night, is he gonna be by your side
Or will he run and hide
You don't know, 'cause things ain't clear
And baby when you cry, is he gonna stand by your side
Does the man even know you're alive
I got an idea ...

Why don't you be my girlfriend
I'll treat you good
I know you hear your friends when they say you should
'Cause if you were my girlfriend, I'd be your shining star
The one to show you where you are
Girl you should be my girlfriend

Does he know what you feel
Are you sure that it's real
Does he ease your mind
Or does he breake your stride
Did you know that love could be a shield

The middle of the night, is he gonna be by your side
Or will he run and hide
You don't know, 'cause things ain't clear
Any baby when you cry, is he gonna stand by your side
Does the man even know you're alive

Ever since I saw your face, nothing in my life has been the same
I walk around just saying your name
Without you my world would end
I looked around this whole damn place and everything says you were meant to be
My girlfriend

well.. to be honest. im not sure anymore. you know those problems that i was having before? well ... lets just say that im beginning to make up my mind. because you know why? because ... well just because. history repeats itself. but the time that i had the balls to change it and take the risk... BAM! blows up in my face.

posted by ahoy there matey @ 10:17 PM

can i just tell you ...

that being hostile works wonders sometimes.

NOTHING ruined my day today... even though EVERYTHING WENT WRONG!

it was a BEAUTIFUL day today!... and i got to spend it outside with my favorite sisters in the whole wide world!

i am in desperate NEED of an oil change, a car wash, and BEEF!

sometimes a nice good morning phone call can change your entire outlook on .... everything.

missing someone sucks, but knowing that you miss them for a good reason is the best feeling in the world.

posted by ahoy there matey @ 11:04 PM

had a car wash today. and sisterhood. it was fun. chilled wif nemo. cuz he's our sister too! haha! bleh. but oh wells. it was fun. we went to conchings n plaza n had a car wash. neat-o! buncha support. too bad they were all guys. well if i was a guy, n i saw a sorority car wash, id hit it up too! but anyhoo, we did good. im proud of us. n it was fun.

mark's competiting in irvine. i think it's irvine. its somewhere up there. and my sisters are going to TDB formals in irvine. eep! so i coulda been up there to support mark n my sisters. two birds with one stone. but too bad. i have work. damn. sucks for me. always work. eh. we'll see.

posted by ahoy there matey @ 3:12 PM

so here's the thing. pooh bear has been gone for a while. about a week now. i miss him. but ive been having so much fun lately. just hanging out with my sisters and my big bro and mark. cuz i can do anything. i have TIME. i dont have to correlate schedules with pooh bear or do a lot of driving back and forth from mira mesa to everywhere else. it was hard. but i wouldnt give all of that up for anything. i miss him.

but i dont know. i mean i love him. but... it just feels like im missing out on something. just from the taste of freedom that i got this week. damn. but i wont make that mistake again. cuz i found him already. not about to let go again.

crap. ill post the rest on beyond marfiles.

posted by ahoy there matey @ 7:27 PM