Friday, June 30, 2006

aside from the brokeness that follows, it's been a goooood baseball season. I haven't missed a homestand series yet (at least one game for every series played at home, at least), and i have no plans on missing any.

...even if it means missing out on vegas.

total epxenditures for games? between now and opening day? with parking, food, and tickets.... i would guess-timate at a good $1500 or so. GO PADRES!

posted by ahoy there matey @ 12:04 PM

Thursday, June 29, 2006

finish another degree within a year and a half? definitely attainable, considering which school i've found myself in this time around.

but aside from that, i think i'd be better off looking for a career start than another degree. and honestly, i think i'd rather be doing that than going to school to confuse myself again.

lately it seems as if my life has been centered around Him. and i'm starting to come to terms with the fact that, really... it is.

but only for another month. afterwards, i have my time again, and this time, it will be put to use in order to start prepping for 5.2.2..8.

yeap.

that is all.

posted by ahoy there matey @ 7:47 AM

Thursday, June 15, 2006

in case you were wondering... NO... i haven't been talking about Pane re: all that stupid drama.

haven't been talking about brian either.

you can figure it out from there, can't you? or not.

in any case... vegas will be a good release.

i'm sad that i wont get laid for 3 days, but that's okay. all that energy will be built up and we'll do a lot of catching up as soon as i get back. YESSUUUHHH!!!!

p.s. WOW. i've never been this satisfied in my life.

and i'm sorry if this is TMI. but you know how i am. hyuk hyuk

posted by ahoy there matey @ 10:18 AM

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

WTF?!??! i'm so confused.

i'm happy. but i also want to yell and scream and throw a big hissy fit just so he understands what i'm feeling.

FUCK YOU. because i love you so much. asshole. i can't believe you're pulling this shit. and i'm letting you.

UGH. i make me sick.

at least i have VEGAS to look forward to. got a sneak peak of things to come tonight. WOOOOOOHOOOOO!!! i can't fucking wait!

i'm gonna get so beligerent and do the things you do in vegas. YES! i haven't gotten irresponsibly drunk in so fucking long!

posted by ahoy there matey @ 9:39 PM

Saturday, June 10, 2006

i told myself i would just let it go. and by now i have a feeling that he knows it's him. because why wouldn't he?

at this point i'm debating whether or not to keep up this stupid charade. as much as it FUCKING WRENCHED MY HEART to go through all that shit and to finally decide that i'm really over it... i'm probably not.

but you know me... i'm great at suppressing and shoving and keeping it out of mind until it finally goes away and i'm finally over it. that was the plan for this time... but now i'm having second thoughts.

because it was for SOOOO LONNNNNGGG. and something like that is hard to let go of. i've been in love, and had loves, and had wonderful friendships that are comparable.... all which i have learned to deal with their loss of. and those no longer hurt. because of my coping and my defenses. and because i've become strong from it.

but this... FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i just don't know. and the not knowing is making it worse.

posted by ahoy there matey @ 12:09 PM

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

he just cleaned my ginormous back yard.

holy shit.

i guess he really must love me.

posted by ahoy there matey @ 9:20 PM

Sunday, June 04, 2006

i miss my sisters SOOOOO much that it fucking hurts.

i was watching the video for battle of the sisters.... and it makes me want to become active again... which i know is something not feasable. My time was up a year ago... and i think it's time for me to grow up and move on.

but i miss it SOOOOOOOOO much. SISTERHOOD IS FOREVER!!!!

but youth isn't.

posted by ahoy there matey @ 7:42 PM

Saturday, June 03, 2006

in santa monica. just finished up at 'scoes. wish you were here.

or not.

but sunshine. best friend. and the lifepartnah....

life can't get any better.

posted by ahoy there matey @ 1:33 PM

Friday, June 02, 2006

we're both putting up this front like we don't care.

actually... IIII care. i know he does too. and as much as i don't want to see it, i still do. but i'm trying not to let it get to me, because i don't want to start getting those weird heart pains again. they just hurt too much. and i like the warmth that i'm feeling right now.

we'll both get over it in time. IN TIME. and that's the key.

it just sucks to have those conversations, or to see each other and have that big fucking pink elephant dancing all over our toes. and then to say nothing.

but at least Jerry remembers. he asked Him if we got married yet. sadly, no. not for another 23 months (yeah, actually, in EXACTLY 23 months!) yes... diego dogs, padres, and the to-be. WHAT A WONDERFUL world.

in any case... i'm over the whole heartbreak and tormenting myself. OVER IT. i'm done trying to salvage something that only i'll treasure. FUCK THAT. i'm no weaksauce.

posted by ahoy there matey @ 2:26 PM