extended VROOM

ive been screwing up BIG TIME lately. i finally start to get everything on track, and yesterday, it all falls apart. all i have now is brian. everything in my life needs some restructuring. work. school. family. i need my balance back.

so i havent been home in about 27 hours. wont be home for another 12. yesterday i was suspended from work. which means im probably gonna be let go. dumb stuff. i gave an employee's discount to one of his friends. damnit! and i was just being LAAAAZY at work. and got caught. ugh. so my loss prevention auditor had a talk with me and suspended me for it. stupid stupid stupid. damnit. whatever. just means i can get a higher paying job without the pain of quitting. blessing in disguise? maybe. but i still have a huge blemish on my work history. just means i cant manage in retail anymore. whatever. i wanna slang phones. at least then id have a decent income.

yeah. and i havent been going to class. studying, but not going. and my mom just threatened to take my car away. damnit. i need to move the hell out already.

and p.s., im not cussing cuz the computer im on wont allow it. how weaksauce is THAT?

posted by ahoy there matey @ 10:41 AM

anyway.... keep these in mind....
*front of the via caracas house
*behind BORDERS in mission valley
*robinsons may parking lot
*eastlake high
*ferry landing in coronado

posted by ahoy there matey @ 10:08 PM

mozzarrella anyone???
11.07.02 @ 318am :: this sucks! we need 2 jus move in together. cause i MISS U so much! you have been such a positive influence on me. thanks for being here with me. nite honey. yeah. we spent a night apart. clingy i tell yah... CLINGY!
11.09.02 @ 1241am :: i close my eyes )--( n alli think of is you... id do anythiiiiing for you. na na na. na na na.
11.07.02 @ 150pm :: hi honey. i have something to ask. but im scared that you might hesitate on giving me an answer. set up for sunday night. i didnt hesitate one little bit!
11.11.02 @ 1155am :: hi...



GIRLFRIEND yeah. all the spaces were there... so i had to keep hittin the down button.
11.11.02 @ 1211pm :: thank you so much for being that special someone in my life it's my pleasure!
11.09.02 @ 1005pm :: sweetie, i miss you so much! sorry. cling cling cling i didnt have service, so we were both kinda feenin for each other. its rare that we can't talk or text or know what each other is doing at any given moment.

posted by ahoy there matey @ 11:33 PM

okay. so the thing is... i have no problem with him driving my car around. i dont have a problem with him looking through my shit. cuz i have nothing to hide from him. and he has no problem digging through my backpack to find some gum. to us, its not an invasion of privacy... its a set comfort level. we accept each other for every little thing. if he sees a pad in my bag, he doesnt cringe. as a matter of fact, he's fully aware of my cycle. when it starts, how it's flowing, EVERYTHING. sounds disgusting doesnt it? yeah i know. but what can i tell you... i've found someone who i can be completely myself with. there's a set comfort level. we have routines. we know practically everything about each other. and yet... there are still sparks flying. after several months of constant conversation. several months of spending whole days together. things between us are still interesting. everytime we hold hands, i still get butterflies in my stomach. we have a mutual understanding of how everything is between us. how everything should be. we havent had a single argument, because we know how to compromise and work through each disagreement. i like that he can trust me. i like how ive been able to trust him with everything. and i like how we help each other and motivate each other to be better people.

this is the kind of relationship that people strive for. but with us... it comes effortlessly. its like a dream come true.

posted by ahoy there matey @ 3:12 PM

lag lag lag! why the hell does this computer LAG!!!!

in rbr. on one of the less competent computers. sorry. just wanted to vent.

posted by ahoy there matey @ 10:33 PM

on a similar note.... he understands the Mar, Maria, and Cheng. it's GREAT! ive never found someone who had a solid grasp of the three concepts. just like i get the concept of the Bri, Brian, and B. hee hee.

yeah... THAT'S why im doing disassociative disorder.

posted by ahoy there matey @ 12:30 AM

see, this is what i neeed...
someone who understood that within a relationship lies compromise. there isnt a "mine and yours." there is OURS. someone who can decipher between HE, WE, and ME. there are time for HE and ME, and then there is WE. it all flows together harmoniously. it's rare to find someone that you can share things with. someone with whom everything is equal. things that you need to take care of separately (i.e. work, school, family) isnt an obstruction of the relationship... more of an addition to each individual. the time spent together is time to be together, enjoy each other's company, and help each other grow. growth for each individual, together. not necessarily to weave each separate life together, but to layer them to make harmony. the best music isnt monotone... it's a combination of the different sounds and notes coming together to form a beautiful melody. that's what a relationship should be like. and that's what ive found with brian.

no more imbalances. the two of us understand the concept of give and take. the concept of compromise. the concept of sharing. when you're with someone you really care about, flaws are taken as tokens of individuality. you accept each other for who they are, and everything that they come with. there's nothing to be ashamed of. if they really care, none of that matters. it's unconditional.

everything i want.... so how come i cant bring myself to say to him those three little words....

posted by ahoy there matey @ 12:28 AM

it's been a while... ready for the cheese????

10.15.02 @ 254am ::: thanks for today. you were unbelievable yeah. nuff said
10.20.02 @ 1256pm ::: hey sweetie... hows work so far? well i was jus wondering if you might have time later to watch the sunset with me... awwww. he still asks. how cute is that?
10.15.02 @ 558pm ::: im sitting in abby in the parking lot. when i looked up i can see the park where we chased rabbits i remember that too.
10.24.02 @ 1158am ::: ...id do anything jus to fall asleep with you! simple plan. but can be complicated.
10.25.02 @ 1236 am ::: Ever since that night we talked on the phone, i knew there was something extra special about you. similarities? yeah, but theres just something else... hmm.... makes you wonder....
11.03.02 @ 835pm ::: im glad i found you... im glad too
10.24.02 @ 604pm :::im gonna take a nap... see u in my dreams... damnit. wish i was there.
10.01.02 @ 117am ::: HI HONEY!! aw. that's a first
10.02.02 @ 535am ::: since you've entered my life, anything and everything that we've done together has been magical... i miss so much sweetie... told you... CHEESE
10.28.02 @ 831am ::: hi sweetie... thanks for being my inspiration everyday... he's very welcome


yeah yeah yeah. i know. shut up. it's cheese... but you know what?

"without our imaginations we would be just like those other duds" -- hannibal lecter

i know it's not relevant... but so? shut up. i needed a place for that damn quote

posted by ahoy there matey @ 12:13 AM