extended VROOM

I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. ~Marilyn Monroe

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. ~Corinthians 13:4-7

Everything reminds me of Nick. And when I read things like this, it makes me love him and appreciate him even more.

posted by ahoy there matey @ 11:29 AM

been a while, hasn't it?!?!

I'm struggling with this thing with Nick. Because I'm TERRIFIED of myself! Terrified of being that flaky girl... the flirty girl... the boy crazy one that goes where the wind takes her.

I know we need this break from each other. I know that when this is all over and the papers are signed that we can resume what we had and just make each other happy. And he DOES make me happy. And he strives for it. And he really wants to just be together and have a life together.

And you know what? I really want that too! I want to be able to come home to him at the end of the day and sit down and watch a movie. Drink some wine and have a great conversation over a great dinner with the man that I love and connect with on so many different levels and just enjoy each other and our dreams. He makes me genuinely happy. He's been my best friend. And we have this amazing relationship together. And the only thing I'm scared about is not between the two of us... it lies in ME!

Maybe it's just the time away from him. I'm scared because I don't trust myself because I know myself. UGH. I wish I could just tell him about this insecurity, but I can't physically do it! Like really... I CAN'T! Because we're taking a break from each other so that we can make sure that we have a sound foundation. >_< OY!

Like I want to tell him how I was flirting with HotCop and I couldn't stop myself. I'm not gonna do anything about it... it's just my nature. =P And the part that bothers me is that I know that he trusts me completely. I'm not sure how he would feel about the flirting part. I know he was hurt about me sleeping at Brian's when I went home. He actually said he was jealous. But he had every right to be. And you know what? Knowing that actually makes me never want to do that ever again because I don't want him to feel that hurt.

And the other thing I'm super freaked out about?!?! I really think he's gonna find someone else. =P Cuz I was never his type to begin with. >_< I'm just being paranoid. I know he loves me. I know we're gonna be just fine. I'm just freakin myself out because I'm scared to commit so fast. =(

mar sucks. BLAH!

posted by ahoy there matey @ 9:07 PM